Getting Old

I turned 37 this past weekend, but other than that things are about the same with me. Some decent days with my health, and some not so decent days. Slowly I think I'm coming to a much better emotional place with all of this. I obviously would still love to feel 100% healthy and strong, and ideally I would love to feel this sooner rather than later, but I have also come to a place of better acceptance about the whole thing. I may never again in my life feel as healthy and strong as I did 2 or 3 years ago (or even just a year ago), but I know that I'm gradually feeling better, and I find myself everyday feeling very fortunate to have regained the health that I have. In August, September, October, and most of November I would have given anything to have just one day in which I felt as good as I do today. Of course, now today I want more. I want to feel this much healthier again. I've very aware though that I might need to wait another 4 or 5 months for this to occur. If there's been one consistent thing in all of this it's that my condition never seems to improve significantly from day to day, but rather from week to week, or month to month. At some point I expect to feel healthy enough that I look at this slow change as a good thing. When we are feeling the way we want to feel we don't want there to be any significant change.

Total change of subject: Winter has finally come here in Boulder. We have had about 3 feet of snow in the past week, and from what I hear there may be another storm on the way next week. I've been able to tell that I'm finally (after nearly 3 years living here during the school year) feeling a little more attached to the land and the culture in this part of the world. Previously I've cared about the land in this area because I care about many of the people that live here, but I haven't had a personal emotional attachment to the land. Colorado has been in the midst of pretty severe drought for quite some time now, and it may sound harsh, but I haven't really cared one way or the other whether the drought continues or the drought ends. I still see that's it's one of those things that is beyond our control and in the larger picture doesn't really mean a whole lot, but I do recognize that these phases of dry climate are hard on life in this area. Whether it's vegetation, wildlife, or humans, pretty much every living thing will have a slightly better next several months because of the snow that's falling now. I think I now have enough attachment to this place that for the first time I take some small amount of solace in this reality.

On one more note, entry is still open for this summer's Alaska Mountain Ultrarunning Camp. The July session is essentially filled up, but there are still a few spaces left in the June 11-18th session. I know some people have been reluctant to sign up because of my health, but I do plan to definitely go forward with the camps as planned. At this point I'm fairly optimistic that I'll be able to lead most or all of the runs during the camps, as I have now begun to get out for short runs 4 or 5 days a week (I even ran a 5k race this past weekend, albeit I'm not sure I broke 40 minutes). If I improve as much in the next two months as I have in the past two then I should be able to lead all the runs with relative ease. Not to worry though, even if my health does hold me back I have some great local help lined up to lead any runs that I'm not able to take part in. Another fun way to look at it: this might be your only chance to come run with me in Alaska with the dynamic in which I'm the one that you're waiting up for :)